Books I'd Like to See

BOOK TITLES I'D LIKE TO SEE:

From Jean Auel:

• Clan of the Nasty Little Buggers
• Hunter/Gatherer Accountants
• CSI: Neanderthal
• Land of the Bad Tacos
• Annoying Tree Hugging Earth Muffin Clan

J. K. Rowling:

• Harry Potter and the Botched Tuna Fish Casserole
• Harry Potter and the Unknown Foot Fungus
• Harry Potter and the Tax Audit
• Harry Potter and the Bum Assault Charge
• Harry Potter and the Northern Idaho Militia Scandal

Mark Twain:

• Tom Sawyer's Book of Quantum Mechanics Theories
• Huck Finn and Injun Joe Go To Washington as Lobbyists
• Steamboats and Their Insidious and Purposeful Destruction of the Mississippian Evironment
• A Thesis of the Interplay Between the Architects of the Southern Reconstruction and the Displaced Native American
• Wonky Biscuits of the Suez

Lewis Carrol:

• Alice in Detroit
• Alice Strung Out of Hallucinogenic "Looking Glass" Mushrooms
• Alice and the Mad Hatter's Successful Sit-In Against the Despotic Red Queen
• Wonderland's Annexation of Slovakia
• Cheshire Cat and the Root Canal

Charles Dickens:

• The Groundhog's Day Carol
• David Titaniumfield
• Nasty Little Sinus Infection That Disturbs My Soul
• Freaky Clowns That Lurk in My Basement AND NEVER STOP DOING THAT SMALL CAR TRICK!
• CLOWNS! CLOWNS IN MY GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES!

Albert Einstein:

• Hey, Look, The Bomb Wasn't Really My Idea, So Quit Calling.
• My Theory of Relativity is Very Relative, Relatively Speaking
• My Best Hair Style Ideas
• The Uranium and Plutonium Cookbook
• E=mc^2 Will NOT Help You Make the Perfect Omelette

Lilian Jackson Braun:

• The Cat Who Slung Hash At Shari's
• The Cat Who Beat the CRAP Outta the Barking, Annoying Dog Next Door
• The Cat Who Engineered Cold Fusion With Two Light Bulbs and a Pickle
• The Cat Who Didn't Really Do Much At All
• The Cat Who Worked Out The Unification Theory

Dr. Suess:

• I'm OK, but You're a Total Freak
• I'm Writing This Tripe So That You'll Buy the Book and I'll Become Rich
• This Book is Full of Made Up Words
• OK, Look, Green Eggs are Probably Not All That Good For You
• Blaxor, the Clear-Cutting, Amoral, Hedonistic, Carnivorous and Environmentally Damaging Redneck from Oregon