News from Around the World

AND, since I'm tired about reading the news of doom and gloom, I thought I'd share with you the OTHER things that are happening throughout the world.

• Barrilita, SPAIN: Northern village in Spain celebrates 250 years of dirt farming. The residents of Barrilita have been growing the best dirt for over 7 generations. Their certified organic dirt has been all the rage in the US for the last 35 years. "The dirt from Barrilita tastes so much better than the dirt we used to get from Watsonville." said Toomi Sorts of Beverly Hills.
• Norvogorgos, NORWAY: Up here in the frozen plains of Norway, there is a whole new way of geothermal energy. Argärd Goofersen, the mayor of Norvogorgos, has unveiled the new geothermal plant to astounded scientists who were invited to the town this weekend. As Mayor Goofersen said, "When my great-grandfather was a small boy, he started digging a small hole in his backyard. His mother said to him, 'Guföv! Do you plan on digging to the center of the earth?' He said, 'Yes.'" Apparently, for the last 80 years, the men of the Goofersen family have been digging in that hole until, finally last month, Argärd's brother, Lufska, dug into a pocket of magma 60 miles below the surface. The heat from that magma will generate the turbines of the town and create the energy needed for that whole region. Lufska, the brother of the mayor and the discoverer of the magma pocket is expected to be fine after the numerous surgeries necessary to graft new skin on his smoldering body.
• Wacky Noodle Ranch, Arizona, US: In this small, backwater town in the unforgiving desert pan of the American Southwest, history has been made. Sheriff Clem Lacomb shot his 5,000th varmint off of the Interstate. Sheriff Lacomb has been shooting varmints off of the Interstate for years. When asked what kind of varmints he had been shooting, the humble Sheriff merely stated, "Aw, you know, varmints. Future roadkill critters. Sometimes one of the Nestor clan would wander by and I'd shoot one of them, too, but mostly just varmints." Most of the "varmints" would be given to the St. Larry Orphanage South of town, he said.
• Small-Badger-by-the-Sea, Wolfferdshire, ENGLAND: Excitement is at an all time high here in this little village in Southern UK. A retired teacher, Edith Browntoodles, will be awarded the illustrious "Royal Green Stocking of Glamsford" from Prince Samuel later today. Apparently, Miss Browntoodles, back in World War II, was instrumental in the Battle of Slapblinkers Bay. In the early morning hours of April 20th, 1944, a regiment of German commandos tried to infiltrate into this English countryside through Slapblinkers Bay. Miss Browntoodles, then only 19 years old, was able to take different pieces of driftwood and beat off the enemy back into the sea from whence they came. This bit of heroic action was reported but summarily forgotten until the Home Office unearthed them earlier this year. When asked what Miss Browntoodles was doing down at the beach so early that morning, she simply said, "A girl never tells."
• Xiagong, CHINA: Central China, rough, nearly uninhabited, mostly ignored. That is until archeologists in that region make startling discoveries like this. It's in Xiagong that part of the Great Wall makes its serpentine path throughout this vast nation. It's in Xiagong that part of the Great Wall has crumbled, exposing some of the inner construction and incredible engineering of that marvel. Archeologist Flavius Porcoutini and his team from Milan, Italy, noted that the Great Wall was built following the course of a previous construct, the Great Fence of China. Apparently, and research is still ongoing, before there was a Great Wall, there was a Great Fence. A nicely done and maintained picket fence that wound up and down, back and forth throughout the Chinese frontier, with little signs that said things like "No Trespassing" or "Keep Out" or "Beware of Dragon". There is a slight possibility, said Dr. Porcoutini, that even before the Great Fence, there was a Great Hedge with possibly even a Great Property Line Tape.