Sunday, April 3, 2011

Books I'd Like to See


From Jean Auel:
  • Clan of the Nasty Little Buggers
  • Hunter/Gatherer Accountants
  • CSI: Neanderthal
  • Land of the Bad Tacos
  • Annoying Tree Hugging Earth Muffin Clan

J. K. Rowling:
  • Harry Potter and the Botched Tuna Fish Casserole
  • Harry Potter and the Unknown Foot Fungus
  • Harry Potter and the Tax Audit
  • Harry Potter and the Bum Assault Charge
  • Harry Potter and the Northern Idaho Militia Scandal

Mark Twain:
  • Tom Sawyer's Book of Quantum Mechanics Theories
  • Huck Finn and Injun Joe Go To Washington as Lobbyists
  • Steamboats and Their Insidious and Purposeful Destruction of the Mississippian Evironment
  • A Thesis of the Interplay Between the Architects of the Southern Reconstruction and the Displaced Native American
  • Wonky Biscuits of the Suez

Lewis Carrol:
  • Alice in Detroit
  • Alice Strung Out of Hallucinogenic "Looking Glass" Mushrooms
  • Alice and the Mad Hatter's Successful Sit-In Against the Despotic Red Queen
  • Wonderland's Annexation of Slovakia
  • Cheshire Cat and the Root Canal

Charles Dickens:
  • The Groundhog's Day Carol
  • David Titaniumfield
  • Nasty Little Sinus Infection That Disturbs My Soul
  • Freaky Clowns That Lurk in My Basement AND NEVER STOP DOING THAT SMALL CAR TRICK!

Albert Einstein:
  • Hey, Look, The Bomb Wasn't Really My Idea, So Quit Calling.
  • My Theory of Relativity is Very Relative, Relatively Speaking
  • My Best Hair Style Ideas
  • The Uranium and Plutonium Cookbook
  • E=mc^2 Will NOT Help You Make the Perfect Omelette

Lilian Jackson Braun:
  • The Cat Who Slung Hash At Shari's
  • The Cat Who Beat the CRAP Outta the Barking, Annoying Dog Next Door
  • The Cat Who Engineered Cold Fusion With Two Light Bulbs and a Pickle
  • The Cat Who Didn't Really Do Much At All
  • The Cat Who Worked Out The Unification Theory

Dr. Suess:
  • I'm OK, but You're a Total Freak
  • I'm Writing This Tripe So That You'll Buy the Book and I'll Become Rich
  • This Book is Full of Made Up Words
  • OK, Look, Green Eggs are Probably Not All That Good For You
  • Blaxor, the Clear-Cutting, Amoral, Hedonistic, Carnivorous and Environmentally Damaging Redneck from Oregon

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