Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ever go to the store, and there, on the bread racks, you saw a hundred different kinds of breads?  

Remember when there was just Wheat and White? and the wheat bread just sat there?  No one bought wheat bread, except for the ones that came in and wanted to buy the day old stuff.  Not for us.... It was always white.  Unless there was a special occasion, then we got Sourdough.

Mmmm.... Sourdough....

Nowadays, we have selection.  So many variations of bread.  There are breads with different kinds of flour, or nuts, or sizes of bread or how many calories you want in your bread, or none of the above.  Seriously, there's a bread that uses no flour.

I mean, can you call it bread if it doesn't have any flour?

Then there's the choice of how many grains you want.  A few years ago, a bread came out that boasted on its label, "Three Grain Bread".  Wow.  Three.  So, that's like, what, wheat, oat and something that's not oat or wheat, right?  Then, a little while longer, they came out with a SEVEN grain bread. Again, wheat, oat, something, hops, barley, this and that.

Now there's a TWELVE grain bread.

OK, c'mon.  Really?  Twelve?  Are there actually twelve different grains out there in the world? or are the Bread Scientists in Research and Development sitting the their labs just making grains up?  

"Ooo, look Larry.  A new grain."

"Uh, Bob, that's just some lawn clippings.  Not technically a grain."

"It's a grain if we say it's a grain...."

When will it stop?  Will the Alpha Bakers of the World keep raising the stakes on the Grain Wars?  Are there annual competitions between Bakeries?  Will we soon see, "New!  428 Grain Bread!  Now with the Outer Mongolian Purple Dandelion Seeds!"  

Do we really need all twelve of those grains in our bread?  Has there EVER been a person, sitting down to eat a tuna fish sandwich on some eleven grain bread, thinking, "Dang, this would be so much better if I wasn't missing that one grain."  Has there EVER been a person, eating a slice of twelve grain bread, that has enjoyed every grain?  "Mmmm... sunflower... and is that... yes! alfalfa!  Nice..."

*sigh*  I need to have some Wonder bread.

Friday, May 1, 2009

OK, so here it is.  A blog.  Not just any blog, buy MY blog.  This isn't going to be any normal blog where people just ramble on and on about different stuff.  No.  This blog will be about important stuff.  Things that have impact in the world around us.  Things that can change lives.  Essential items that you, the Reader, must know in order to survive the daily grind.  In this very important blog, you will find things that will make you think, make you reassess the way you see life.  You'll never find trivial, inane things here.  It's my goal to blog about necessary facts that cannot be ignored.

Like, for instance, don't you hate it when you go to get your keys out of your pocket and they're in some jumbled mess?  As if, in the middle of the night, some demented key gremlin from MENSA came in and rearranged all your keys so that it's some pile of metal and plastic? The long metal key part is jammed into another key's fob and the split rings are all intertwined like some bizarre key yoga exercise.  And, of course, you're stuck out in the driveway at 4 a.m. trying to get to work trying to figure out the entire puzzle all on a half a cup of coffee.

See?  It's that kind of life changing, important information that will be on this blog.

Read, and learn.