Sunday, October 3, 2010

Here's a short list of REAL state mottos.

OK, I know that my lists can be irritating, but I was looking at the real State mottos.

AK: "North to the Future" So, I guess, South to the Has Been?
AR: "The People rule" I think it would be so much better if they updated it to, "The People RULE! Awesome!"
CT: "He who transplanted sustains" What the heck does THAT mean?
KS: "To the stars through difficulty". Wow. That's comforting.
ME: "Dirigo", which is Latin for "I Lead". When I first saw it, I thought it said, "Dingo". Then I thought, "That's the best motto EVER."
MD: "Manly deeds, womanly words." Tough, with a high pitched voice. Mike Tyson!
MN: "L'├ętoile du Nord" or "Star of the North". Only motto in French.
MT: "Oro y Plata" Latin for "Gold and Silver". Hey, let's just cut to the bottom line here, OK?
NH: "Live free or die". In today's environment, that'll probably be changed to "Live free or negotiate" soon.
NM: "It grows as it goes" Recently voted as the most Dr Seuss motto in the Union.
NC: "To be, rather than to seem" Deep.
OR: Translates to mean, "She flies with her own wings". Who thought that up? Who let the guy stoned on 'shrooms in charge of the motto?
RI: The oldest of the mottos. Simply, "Hope". Short, sweet, easy to cross-stitch onto pillow shams. The three big criteria.
TN: "Agriculture and Commerce". OK, guys, look. A motto is supposed to be inspirational, not the list of economic high points of your state.
UT: Industry. See above.
VA: "Sic semper tyrannis" Isn't that what John Wilkes Booth said right after shooting Abe Lincoln? That's kinda, I don't know, creepy, you know?
WA: OK, ready for this? "Al-ki". It's Chinook jargon for "By and by". Why not just say, "Whatever". Means sorta the same.

State Mottos, Again!

OK Class, it's time we took a look at the States of the Union again.

AL: We do a lot of Southern stuff here and we're comfortable with most of it.
AK: Hey, after the Polar Shift in 2012, all this will be a tropical paradise.
AZ: We can fry eggs on our sidewalks. In January.
AR: We disavow any affiliation with Kansas.
CA: Our biggest export is a product called Weird.
CT: The bedroom state for NYC.
DE: We're the first ones to ratify the Constitution. Haven't done much since, but at least we have THAT.
FL: All the heat and humidity of Hawaii, but without the scenery or all those pesky volcanos
GA: We have "hick" down to an artform.
HI: Our state motto is, "Ua mau ke ea o ka aina i ka pono". We use more vowels than any other state. FTW!
ID: We're more than just potatoes. When we figure out just what, we'll let you know.
IL: The French colonized us a long time ago. We've gotten over that, can't you?
IN: We're in the Midwest. What does actually mean?!
IA: Corn. Soy. Corn. Soy. Corn. Soy. That about covers it.
KS: Sorta ticked at Arkansas for using our name without permission. Oh, there'll be a court hearing on this, believe you me.
KY: Keeping Western Appalachian traditions alive, one still at a time.
LA: We have Jazz here. Oh, and malaria, but let's focus on Jazz, OK?
ME: Guardians of the Northeast corner. Keeping a close eye on that shady Nova Scotia.
MD: Our state name is Maryland and our capitol is Annapolis. The girls run this state, geez.
MA: If it wasn't for Cape Cod sticking out there like that, you'd probably never find us.
MI: Don't talk to us about Detroit, alright? We're getting treatment for that.
MN: We're all the way up here in the attic.
MS: After a while, our state name just looks like a typo.
MO: We're the "Show Me" state. Just... don't show me that. Or that. Oh, COME ON! Not that either! GAA!
MT: Where the Wild West gets a little crazy, too.
NE: We're one of the easiest pieces in that little US puzzle you had when you were a kid.
NV: Aw, what the heck. We'll just legalize everything.
NH: Look, when the presidential candidates would come here to campaign, it was cute... at first. Now, well...
NJ: We've got so much attitude, we're going to start to tax it.
NM: Not saying it's dry here, but we can make buildings out of mud and not worry about them washing away.
NY: I think we could fit one or two more people on Manhattan. Come on, people, scootch in closer.
NC: Hey, Virginia and us, we're tight.
ND: Our state capitol is named after a sort of doughnut. Gads, that's embarrassing.
OH: Our state motto is, "With God, all things are possible". Much better than the first idea: "Slag heap of the U.S."
OR: Where the Pacific has been been beating the crap out of us for a long time.
PA: We have a city that sits on an underground fire that's been raging since 1962. How awesome is that?!
RI: We recently took the entire population of the state on a field trip to the Bronx Zoo. We had popcorn, too.
SC: Don't let the name fool you, we're also a little to the West, too.
SD: Boring came here and died of boredom. That's gotta suck.
TN: If you look at it right, the state sorta looks like a Lego block.
TX: We have bigger things here. Bet you didn't know that cuz we're quiet about stuff like that.
UT: Great Salt Lake. Alright, fine, it should be Great Salt Unlake, but let's not be difficult.
VT: We're the symbiotic twin to New Hampshire. Groovy.
VA: Hey! Careful how you say "Norfolk", Yankee!
WA: It's a rain forest, People! Of COURSE it's going to rain here!
WI: It all boils down to whether or not you love the Packers.
WY: Oh, come ON! Rhode Island has two times more people than we do! That's just weird.