Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ever go to the store, and there, on the bread racks, you saw a hundred different kinds of breads?  

Remember when there was just Wheat and White? and the wheat bread just sat there?  No one bought wheat bread, except for the ones that came in and wanted to buy the day old stuff.  Not for us.... It was always white.  Unless there was a special occasion, then we got Sourdough.

Mmmm.... Sourdough....

Nowadays, we have selection.  So many variations of bread.  There are breads with different kinds of flour, or nuts, or sizes of bread or how many calories you want in your bread, or none of the above.  Seriously, there's a bread that uses no flour.

I mean, can you call it bread if it doesn't have any flour?

Then there's the choice of how many grains you want.  A few years ago, a bread came out that boasted on its label, "Three Grain Bread".  Wow.  Three.  So, that's like, what, wheat, oat and something that's not oat or wheat, right?  Then, a little while longer, they came out with a SEVEN grain bread. Again, wheat, oat, something, hops, barley, this and that.

Now there's a TWELVE grain bread.

OK, c'mon.  Really?  Twelve?  Are there actually twelve different grains out there in the world? or are the Bread Scientists in Research and Development sitting the their labs just making grains up?  

"Ooo, look Larry.  A new grain."

"Uh, Bob, that's just some lawn clippings.  Not technically a grain."

"It's a grain if we say it's a grain...."

When will it stop?  Will the Alpha Bakers of the World keep raising the stakes on the Grain Wars?  Are there annual competitions between Bakeries?  Will we soon see, "New!  428 Grain Bread!  Now with the Outer Mongolian Purple Dandelion Seeds!"  

Do we really need all twelve of those grains in our bread?  Has there EVER been a person, sitting down to eat a tuna fish sandwich on some eleven grain bread, thinking, "Dang, this would be so much better if I wasn't missing that one grain."  Has there EVER been a person, eating a slice of twelve grain bread, that has enjoyed every grain?  "Mmmm... sunflower... and is that... yes! alfalfa!  Nice..."

*sigh*  I need to have some Wonder bread.


  1. LOL! I love your mind.
    And flourless bread is actually very good... with lots of honey. And butter. MmmMmm... butter.

  2. I've had flourless bread. It was an alfalfa based... thing. The only way I could eat it was have it toasted and seriously immersed in butter. It seemed to defeat the purpose of having healthy bread.....

  3. *waits for the peanut butter post to follow* :D :D

  4. LOL! There's also a 15 grain bread....the joys of living with someone who works at a bread company. All sorts of things out there. BTW, we call the 15 grain stuff "10,000 grain," cuz the kids won't touch it.

  5. cat, just about anything is better with lots of butter and honey. . . just sayin. ;)

  6. requisite peanut butter post (so as not to disappoint Tif)