Monday, August 17, 2009

More Random Ten Counts

Things that really bug Santa:
  • Hot, muggy nights over Miami.
  • Those joker elves that gave the reindeer chili con carne on December 23rd
  • The big black belt that really chafes on those long Trans Atlantic flight.
  • Two words: Dirty Flues
  • Sugar free chocolate chip cookies and skim milk
  • Stinkin' Easter Bunny keeps trying to borrow the sleigh for some date night
  • Wool allergies
  • Strangers that keep dropping his name in conversations
  • Elf Unions
  • Congestion over O'Hare

Shows that Never Made it to Prime Time:
  • Race to REM Sleep!
  • Identify That Fungus!
  • Cooking with Paste
  • Barbara Walters Interviews Various Second Grade Teachers
  • The Kia Racing Circuit
  • Grammar Wars!
  • American Dominos Championships
  • Humorous Anecdotes from Accounting
  • Velveeta Cheese Architecture Throughout Wyoming
  • X-Treme Snail Racing

Concert Tours that Died Before They Even Started:
  • Jethro Tull and Barry Manilow
  • Jefferson Airplane with Barry Manilow
  • Boston opening for Barry Manilow
  • The Fleetwood Macilow Tour
  • Streisand/Manilow duets
  • Luciano Pavarotti and the Copa Cabana Band
  • Barry Manilow in the Talking Heads Tribute Tour
  • John Tesh/Barry Manilow "I'm In A Coma" Tour
  • Bryttney Spears and Barry Manilow Dance Mix Concerts
  • The Barry Manilowapalooza

New Flavors from Coke:
  • Diet Coke and Jalapeno
  • Sprite with Lye
  • Classic Coke with Radiator Fluid
  • Fanta Avocado
  • Minute Maid Broccoli-Ade
  • Diet Coke with Stuff We Found Under the Fridge
  • Deep Fat Fried Barq's
  • Canada Dry Banana Ale
  • Powerade Salted Pork
  • Coke and Clam

Shampoo/Conditioner scents:
  • Mint and Plastic Bed Sheets
  • Ocean Spray with Dead, Dried Kelp Sprinkles
  • Meadow Muffin
  • Tingly Tire Iron
  • Cranberry with Crankshaft Oil
  • Dandruff Control with Hospital Air Scent
  • Basil 'n' Gravel
  • Cilantro Salsa Blends
  • Herbal Tabasco
  • Subtle Marinara with Extra Hold
Signs That We've Gone Too Far:
  • Root Beer with Real Roots!
  • Low Fat Pork Rinds
  • Olive Oil That's More Virgin Than Your Ugly Aunt Gertrude From Fremont
  • John Denver: The Club Dance Mix
  • Fiber Cereal So Potent, You Better Eat This In The Bathroom
  • Low Sugar, Low Cholesterol, Low Sodium, Low Fat, High Fiber, High Protein Oreos.
  • The Pacifistic, Unarmed and Peace Loving Army Men Toy Set
  • Prius Hot Wheels
  • Black and Decker Liposuction Wet/Dri Vac
  • Old Growth Man and Ozone Girl Fighting Global Warming Man and his CFC Henchmen on Saturday cartoons

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