Tuesday, September 1, 2009


The Harry Potter books were a smash. They follow the life of a young wizard up until he gets to 17. But what books can we expect now that he's an adult?
  • Harry Potter and the Deviant Tax Forms
  • Harry Potter and the Day Old Bagel Dilemma
  • Harry Potter and the Road Rage Incident
  • Harry Potter and the Bad Service at Subway
  • Harry Potter and the Round of Lay Offs at Work
  • Harry Potter and the Receding Hairline
  • Harry Potter and the "Failure to Commit" Speech from the Girlfriend
  • Harry Potter and the Middle Aged Spread
  • Harry Potter and the Jury Duty Summons
  • Harry Potter and the Parent/Teacher Conferences

Headlines from Dr. Seuss' World:
  • Horton Pleads Insanity
  • The Stars on Thars Terrorist Plot
  • Green Eggs Found to Have E Coli
  • The Grinch Blames Tax Hikes for Foul Mood
  • Hatted Cat Busted for Criminal Trespass
  • The Lorax Pays for Deck Made with Endangered Woods
  • Contract Negotiations Break Down in Yertle the Turtle Talks
  • Hopping on Pop Caused Burst Appendix
  • Thing 2 Quits: Refuses to Be Just a Number
  • Economy Forces Bart Cubbins to Sell Off Hats

Little Known Faery Tale Facts:
  • Before she made it into the Big Time, the Little Mermaid broke into the movie biz as Aquaman's girlfriend.
  • Sleeping Beauty actually suffered from insomnia and had to fake all the sleeping scenes
  • Cinderella was first billed as Francesca, the Glass Shoe Wearing She-Pirate, but the demographics didn't like it.
  • In the first drafts, Hansel and Gretel were able to escape from the Witch's cottage with the help of his AK-47 and a few judiciously placed K-Bar knives.
  • Humpty Dumpty's demise was caused by a huge oversight by the King's Men. Not one of the people on scene thought to dial 911.
  • The whole Red Riding Hood debacle could have been avoided if the State had given Red her concealed weapons permit as she asked.
  • Goldilocks' parents were eventually brought up on Child Endangerment charges for allowing their daughter to roam freely through Bear houses.
  • Regardless of rumor, Rip van Winkle only slept for 15 years. The remaining 5 years were spent hanging out in Monterey, CA.
  • Rumplestiltskin wasn't a dwarf at all. He was a stock broker from Manhattan. "Spinning straw into gold" is just a euphemism for trading risky stocks.
  • Rapunzel was actually doing hard time in Solitary Confinement when the "Prince" busted her out. They were both later caught at the Kentucky border.
Superman's other fears besides Kryptonite:
  • Too much starch in the tights.
  • Getting the shirt inside out and being the laughing stock at the Hall of the League of Justice
  • Letting loose with a Supersized burp and causing some serious wind damage to the Fortress of Solitude.
  • Lending Lex Luthor the Game Cube and NOT getting it back.
  • That his dad really does look like Marlon Brando
  • That Lois Lane thinks that Jimmy Olsen is hotter than he is.
  • That the phone booths aren't as private as he thought
  • That someone will catch on to the whole "spin the earth backwards to reverse time to play the winning lottery numbers" trick.
  • All the superpowers in the world cannot reverse the bald spot
  • That Supergirl has a bigger fan base than him.

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