Saturday, July 25, 2009

More Random Ten Counts:

Role playing video games that never made the Christmas list:

Grand Clean Auto
Bedpan Hustle
Journey to the Center of the Lima Bean
Back Shavrz
Guitar Hero: Neil Diamond Edition
Alien v. Sponge Bob
World of Knitcraft
Harry Potter and the Sink of Dirty Dishes
Mickey and Pikachu: Cage Match!
Lawrence at the Soup Kitchen

Christmas Movies that really should not exist:

Santa and the Incontinent Child
The Reindeer Uprising!
Frosty and the Cold Shoulder
Rudolf and Bambi Duke It Out
Merry Hallowgiving
The Day the Sleigh Stood Still
Trouble Over O'Hare
Elf Union Picket Line
Wrapping Paper Massacre

Things you don't want to hear from Political Bigwigs when they think the mic is off:

Help me find my pants.
No, the aliens in my head are too loud.
OK, how am I voting on that again? Am I sure?
How do I spell my name?
No! For the last time, Winnie the Pooh is better than Sponge Bob. Get on board with this one or you're out!
Operation Fanged Terror is a go. Bring the donuts.
The President better endorse this. I washed his car last Saturday!
Call my therapist and ask if I'm supposed to take the red, or the blue pill.
Wait, you're telling me that I have to go to that Senate Committee without my lucky rocketship underwear?
Hold on, I'm too loaded to do that right now.

Military Operation names that really should be taken out of the line-up:

Operation: Squeaky Toy
Operation: Brownie Batter Blizzard
Operation: Fluffles
Operation: Slap 'Em Silly
Operation: Bad Clams
Operation: Icky Poo Poo Pants
Operation: March That Way and Make A Lot Of Noise
Operation: Lionel Ritchie Marathon
Operation: Prius
Operation: Operation

Embarrassing moments in US History:

When Nixon leaned over to Khrushchev and said, "Pull my finger."
The way we behaved when the Beatles came over
Pet Rocks
The painting by Stuart depicting George Washington at that bachelor party, circa 1757.
Doing a Zippo lighter commercial at Lakehurst, NJ in 1937 just as the Hindenburg was pulling in.
Going through with the Louisiana Purchase but losing the receipt.
Having John Madden's catch phrase, "Tough Actin' Tinactin" be more memorable than the Pledge of Allegiance.
The releasing of the Benjamin Franklin/Betsy Ross love letters.
Abraham Lincoln's overheard remark, "OK, seriously, do we really want the South back? Really?"

Album Titles I'd like to see:

Our Favorite Hymns/ AC/DC
Angst Filled Rap/ John Denver
Learn Uzbekistani in Your Sleep/ Strange Language Institute
Croaking and Raspy Voices/ Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings
Best Operatic Arias/ Cindi Lauper
Freaky Groovin' and Love/ Tennessee Ernie Ford
Our Guitarist Has Actually Been Dead For 15 Years/ Rolling Stones
Death Opera Rock/ Luciano Pavarotti
Songs That Aren't About Me and My Little Universe/ Mariah Carey or Brittany Spears
This Is The Last One. Really. Honest./ Barbara Streisand

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