Saturday, July 4, 2009

Movie Rules!

In horror movies, whoever enters the basement, dies.

The first three Star Wars movies are the only three Star Wars movies. All others are Lucas' hallucinations.

William Shatner is the only actor where people will pay to see him act poorly.

If the reviews include the phrase, "Sweeping Epic!", you will be able to nap through 2/3's of the film.

If the reviews include the words, "Unrequited," "Tormented Soul," "Sensitive Portrayal" or "Passionate," chances are there will not be any Zombies involved.

OK, I'll say it. Regardless of what he was twenty years ago, Tom Cruise is now damaged goods.

Say what you will, but the Trekkie contingent is the most formidable lobby in Hollywood.

Any man over the age of 15 cannot speak Klingon and expect to be taken seriously.

While 9 out of 10 women cannot stand the Three Stooges, 9 out of 10 men find the Stooges to be one of the purest forms of physical comedy.

The Marx Brothers' movies don't enough credit.

Best comedic duos in order: Abbott and Costello, Hope and Crosby, Laurel and Hardy.

As more time goes by, the Martin and Lewis comedic collaboration becomes more and more disturbing.

Films done in the '30's should never be remade.

This also includes any Godzilla film.

Quit going to Friday the 13th movies. It only encourages them.

It is against the laws of nature for any 63 year old man to be as in shape as Sylvester Stallone.

If the previews before the movie are better than the movie itself, you should get your money back.

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